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The bones in my feet exposed, gaping wounds, crooked jaw, my only choice was to grit my teeth and push ahead.
My tongue craved moisture, my lungs screamed for air.
I resolved to settle, fearing that my fading flesh would falter and my tongue would shrivel, leaving my core in a wretched twist.
So I went down to the waters.
Not the river, though, but the still pool of deep waters.
Sunday
Thursday
open him.
Windows open to the soul that searches,
Answers hidden for the one that reaches.
They'll come closer as she looks deeper.
Their chaotic orchestra scratches at her straining ear.
His voice caught in the web they slew before her.
[Not with a kiss, but with a spear, she is betrayed by her trust.
Not with a fist, but with a coal, the pain of silence is returned to the dust.
Reach into them.
There is an answer through the panes.
Windows open to the soul that searches,
answers a prize for the one that reaches.
Answers hidden for the one that reaches.
They'll come closer as she looks deeper.
Their chaotic orchestra scratches at her straining ear.
His voice caught in the web they slew before her.
[Not with a kiss, but with a spear, she is betrayed by her trust.
Not with a fist, but with a coal, the pain of silence is returned to the dust.
Reach into them.
There is an answer through the panes.
Windows open to the soul that searches,
answers a prize for the one that reaches.
complacent waters
She lulls me away.
Deep into the mysterious grey.
placid purity.
The glass that covers your body will box your mind in.
Deep into the mysterious grey.
placid purity.
Nothing will taunt me. nothing will chase me. nothing will touch me.
...in your mysterious way...
Her gentle waves have wrapped me in a blanket of calm.
She turns my body deeper, deeper into the grey.
The crystal waters kiss the surface of my body.
My bones stay dry as rocks me away and away and away.
placid purity, purity, purity.
I tasted of your colorless mystery.
The sway, the sway of her tranqil way,
carries my mind beyond escpape.
purity. purity. purity.
It's easier this way.
Her mist beomes my veil,
the waters all I hear.
placid purity turns his blood grey,
life's easier this way.
The glass that covers your body will box your mind in.
Sleep through the ages, while the storm rages.
Sealed with the kiss of her mist,
your trials will cease to exist.
this is as rough as rough drafts get. but i dont know what else to do with this:
I left him behind.
Blood stained the checkered tiles. The deep red soaked his own fingers.
His eyes screamed as water shattered the clock's protective casing.
My clean hands reached through the stifling air as I escaped the crashing room of windows.
I left him behind, his river of red still screaming out my name.
Like a dead weight that I can't shake free,
the memory of your blood goes everywhere with me.
Yet I still ran with the most defined purpose urging my body forward:
Life.
If I was sure of nothing else, I was sure that I wanted life, whatever that could mean...whatever I could mean.
There was something left for me beyond this. It called me from some distance beyond my senses.
Still those clouds.
They roared after me, pouring into my bones.
They called me...ever so provocatively, louder than the life I sensed was so near.
I flirted with the idea of letting them pick me up and throw my limp body into the air.
Yet my feet continued to move forward.
I didn't even know where I was going until I saw the mist before me.
Those clouds groaned from the South. But I inched towards the Eastern side of life...
The moisture kissed my skin with a cool invitation.
Blood stained the checkered tiles. The deep red soaked his own fingers.
His eyes screamed as water shattered the clock's protective casing.
My clean hands reached through the stifling air as I escaped the crashing room of windows.
I left him behind, his river of red still screaming out my name.
Like a dead weight that I can't shake free,
the memory of your blood goes everywhere with me.
Yet I still ran with the most defined purpose urging my body forward:
Life.
If I was sure of nothing else, I was sure that I wanted life, whatever that could mean...whatever I could mean.
There was something left for me beyond this. It called me from some distance beyond my senses.
Still those clouds.
They roared after me, pouring into my bones.
They called me...ever so provocatively, louder than the life I sensed was so near.
I flirted with the idea of letting them pick me up and throw my limp body into the air.
Yet my feet continued to move forward.
I didn't even know where I was going until I saw the mist before me.
Those clouds groaned from the South. But I inched towards the Eastern side of life...
The moisture kissed my skin with a cool invitation.
transeunt insomniac
my empty fist crushed the glass
never again will you behold
my side is cold
i tried to wake you
never again will you behold
water slammed against the window pane
in a now unrelenting rain
the sky had exploded from the south,
crawling towards me all too fast,
it's billows growling my name
my hand is emptythe sky had exploded from the south,
crawling towards me all too fast,
it's billows growling my name
my side is cold
i tried to wake you
a desperate elusion
blades of grass stab my feet
blood weighing my legs to stiffen
rain smothers my voice
vigilance grows harder to keep
my body longs for sleep
blades of grass stab my feet
blood weighing my legs to stiffen
rain smothers my voice
vigilance grows harder to keep
my body longs for sleep
i'm no watchman, but you should have listened.
Your eyes look past mine
You, my friend, will be wasted with it
as you sleep in your pitiful silence
The cafeteria wall stares blankly back at you
I reach desperately into your dim face
So unwilling to accept despair
There is hope for us yet if you would only dare
I reach desperately into your dim face
So unwilling to accept despair
There is hope for us yet if you would only dare
The second-hand so unforgiving
My patience succumbs to desperation
My patience succumbs to desperation
Placid eyes, The calm is shifting
[How they tarry in the light, their songs have been stolen
Their chants are enticing the storm that will bury you tonight]
When time gets in the way
and silence fosters lies,
the gyrillidae shroud even
the most complaisant of eyes
and silence fosters lies,
the gyrillidae shroud even
the most complaisant of eyes
Stone-faced, your intensity is a lie
I warned you!
How is your heart so reluctant?
I know they stole the life from your eyes
The droplets on the window pane
marke eras lost in silence
the first of the waters slither down the glass,
Hissing my name
Alexissssssss.
Time has stolen away, today is dyingAlexissssssss.
You, my friend, will be wasted with it
as you sleep in your pitiful silence
Steady streams now run and flow into each other
They whispered my name into the skylight
alexis.
They whispered my name into the skylight
alexis.
Friday
chimera prelude
chanting through the twilight air
their lovelorn songs foretell of storms escorting despair
wooing their own
destroying your throne
seizing your voice
and clamoring their noise
filling the silence with the song you once sang
chanting fills the midnight air
crickets call forth the storms
that rage against the seas
wooing their own
destroying your throne
the silence you succumb
to is the disease
that will overthrow you
the gryllidae seize your voice
and sing your song
calling forth the storm
and with their lovers rejoice
as you are left alone
their lovelorn songs foretell of storms escorting despair
wooing their own
destroying your throne
seizing your voice
and clamoring their noise
filling the silence with the song you once sang
chanting fills the midnight air
crickets call forth the storms
that rage against the seas
wooing their own
destroying your throne
the silence you succumb
to is the disease
that will overthrow you
the gryllidae seize your voice
and sing your song
calling forth the storm
and with their lovers rejoice
as you are left alone
Monday
What does Bleuler know anyway?
Two questions. I think they might be separate of each other. But there is a great possibility that I'm wrong.
1. Have you ever had a dream that infiltrated even your day dreams / interrupted your normal flow of chaos / drove your thoughts to abstract realms / and, exactly one and a half years later, influenced your tear ducts in an unfair way....
Oh...no. Well I'm glad for you.
I am absolutely certain this dream holds meaning. But I think that forgetting about it would feel really nice right now.
2. Have you ever been afraid of losing your mind? In a few years, I might not be in college. I might be sleeping on a cardboard box, curled into the fetal position, willing myself to just ignore the voices. Or maybe your or my spouse might completely forget about us and our respective love stories by the time we are 65. Does that freak you out ever? Oh....you didn't think about it? Well you have to now....have fun.
Love you friend.
1. Have you ever had a dream that infiltrated even your day dreams / interrupted your normal flow of chaos / drove your thoughts to abstract realms / and, exactly one and a half years later, influenced your tear ducts in an unfair way....
Oh...no. Well I'm glad for you.
I am absolutely certain this dream holds meaning. But I think that forgetting about it would feel really nice right now.
2. Have you ever been afraid of losing your mind? In a few years, I might not be in college. I might be sleeping on a cardboard box, curled into the fetal position, willing myself to just ignore the voices. Or maybe your or my spouse might completely forget about us and our respective love stories by the time we are 65. Does that freak you out ever? Oh....you didn't think about it? Well you have to now....have fun.
Love you friend.
Sunday
explosions
Have you ever had a day, or even a moment, in which you felt that an explosion would be in order? Something gripped your heart in a way that escapes words / Someone inspired you and filled your mind with colors and ideas and songs / An angel sang love to you / The Holy Spirit broke through the walls that you've built between His voice and your ear...
And it was all you could do to keep from screaming and drop kicking everyone around you in an obscurely misdirected effort to release the passion permeating your body?
An overwhelming rush of something....something indescribable.
Yea? Me too.
Something beautiful and utterly sublime has gripped me again.
Jesus.
My entire identity summed into five letters (plus one punctuation mark for emphasis).
Today was Bloomsday in Spokane. A bazillion thousands of people in short shorts and windbreaker suits (and more fanny packs than one could imagine) and ran. or walked. or danced. a whole 12k.
And the Mosaic Fellowship handed out free hot dogs and semi-cold waters. and ketchup. I stood on a sidewalk in front of this from 9am to 2pm asking people questions. Mainly we wanted to know if everyone could ask God one question, what would it be?
Through this I met and got to peer into the lives of some of the most interesting people with the most abstract questions for God.
people are exhilarating.
Mosaic is the most welcoming community I have ever been a part of.
Fellowship is beautiful. The Body of Christ paints grace for me.
and for this reasons...I have joy. Crazy amounts of it right now.
My chest feels as though it might explode.
(which could get messy)
At least once day for the past week and a half, I have been inspired beyond comprehension, waiting to explode like this.
And it is good.
I hope that you feel this every now and then.
Love,
Alexis
And it was all you could do to keep from screaming and drop kicking everyone around you in an obscurely misdirected effort to release the passion permeating your body?
An overwhelming rush of something....something indescribable.
Yea? Me too.
Something beautiful and utterly sublime has gripped me again.
Jesus.
My entire identity summed into five letters (plus one punctuation mark for emphasis).
Today was Bloomsday in Spokane. A bazillion thousands of people in short shorts and windbreaker suits (and more fanny packs than one could imagine) and ran. or walked. or danced. a whole 12k.
And the Mosaic Fellowship handed out free hot dogs and semi-cold waters. and ketchup. I stood on a sidewalk in front of this from 9am to 2pm asking people questions. Mainly we wanted to know if everyone could ask God one question, what would it be?
Through this I met and got to peer into the lives of some of the most interesting people with the most abstract questions for God.
people are exhilarating.
Mosaic is the most welcoming community I have ever been a part of.
Fellowship is beautiful. The Body of Christ paints grace for me.
and for this reasons...I have joy. Crazy amounts of it right now.
My chest feels as though it might explode.
(which could get messy)
At least once day for the past week and a half, I have been inspired beyond comprehension, waiting to explode like this.
And it is good.
I hope that you feel this every now and then.
Love,
Alexis
Thursday
Sorry I'm Late
I was exploring the pages of my past journals in an effort to understand my current journal.
The mission I originally set to was never actually fulfilled. However, I revisited a couple of past entries detailing vivid dreams and visions and ideas that have only made it from head to the paper.
One of these writings, in particular, inspired me to share with you some of the creations that constantly happen in my brain.
And because I don't want you in my head (that could potentially be painful) or trying to make sense of things that I would rather leave senseless on the unvisited pages of my comp. books, blogging seemed like a decent thing to try.
By the way, blog. Doesn't that sound like some slimy, yet still kind of stiff (like flubber) synonym for vometing? I think so.
Anyway, I refuse to ever abandon writing in my journals. But they need a place to breathe.
I had a very peculiar dream over a year and a half ago. It continues to interrupt my normal day dreams and working stories. Maybe if I share it with you, the dream will leave me at peace.
Love, alexis.
The mission I originally set to was never actually fulfilled. However, I revisited a couple of past entries detailing vivid dreams and visions and ideas that have only made it from head to the paper.
One of these writings, in particular, inspired me to share with you some of the creations that constantly happen in my brain.
And because I don't want you in my head (that could potentially be painful) or trying to make sense of things that I would rather leave senseless on the unvisited pages of my comp. books, blogging seemed like a decent thing to try.
By the way, blog. Doesn't that sound like some slimy, yet still kind of stiff (like flubber) synonym for vometing? I think so.
Anyway, I refuse to ever abandon writing in my journals. But they need a place to breathe.
I had a very peculiar dream over a year and a half ago. It continues to interrupt my normal day dreams and working stories. Maybe if I share it with you, the dream will leave me at peace.
Love, alexis.
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